sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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