we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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