I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
