He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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