Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
