In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
