i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
