Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
