Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
