Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
