yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
