I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
