I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
