After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
