i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
