I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
