soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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