people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
