Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
