I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish you could order shots online.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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