i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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