He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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