It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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