you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
