I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
