I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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