I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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