please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
