I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
