i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
