I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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