My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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