Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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