Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
