Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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