He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
