a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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