i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
