Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
