I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
