This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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