I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
