i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
