I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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