I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
