I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
