I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
