At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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