6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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