A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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