he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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