do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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