the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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