Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
