True but thats because hes a fetus.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
