woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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