"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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