yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
