Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
