I cannot find my penis.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
