Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if only i could text you this smell
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
