Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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