I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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