Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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