She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
